Misfit poetry

Two thousand and twelve, the world is ending…
But my world has ended so many times I’ve lost count

When did my tears get lost in the rain?
Pain makes me feel alive,
Death sounds like peace,
Happiness is a bed of lies

How did a bouncing baby boy become the quiet boy at the corner, turning into a young man who scribbles little testimonials of what the world turned him into,

I go to bed angry with my own existence,
When I open my eyes in the morning I know that God is not done with me
Well, I’m not done either with him
He is the shepherd and I a lamb a his providence and mercy.

My best friend calls my logic irrational but true
My girlfriend says I am man enough behind my hurt
My other girl insists that I am a piece of art
Other people say I’m their mouthpiece of things unspoken, telling tales of their world’s dimension

On me
I am a lie
I am a prisoner of my own
Walking free, Captive of mind,
Whatever you see in me, it’s hopeless.

Hello, it’s me, the lost love
I’ve been spacey to the moon and back
I had to skyrocket to my lonely zone to restore myself
Hello babygirl, I missed you
No! No, no, no, grammar check! I miss you

Never had coke but your perfume scent is narcotic
Your hair, I like it when you braid it and let it flow over your shoulders in the glory of a princess that you are
But I like it more when you wear it in a crown of Afro on your head,
I’m not queening you ’cause I am not about to wish death on my mother.
You are a sight to behold
Kairetu ka mamii, muiritu wa mutumia, wi muthaka,
Nyar wuon, ijaber toto East to west,
Ma dame, vous êtes très belle de la tête aux pieds
Did I just use french? Okay, I’m in love so why not try it?

How have you been?
Have you been taking care of our dark melanin?
While I was away my heart grew fond of you,
I have a lot of stories to tell you
Of adventures I wish we could walk together
But I dare not weigh you with my path I choose,

Let your smile compete with the sun,
Who knows, you could land a job at the dental advertiser
A girl baby, of course bila chupa ya maziwa
I mean tayari uko na figure coca-cola naona nikikukunywa
When I came back from the moon, nilirudi na mistari za Telemundo na sauti ya Alejandro,
Speaking of lines, how do you wake up?
Na lines kwa uso, macho lazy, forehead umekunja na hasira lakini bado wewe ni mrembo.
Oh, and I bought a new grey t-shirt
Just for you, extra large for your cups to fit in
So when are you coming over to try it out?

Do people still buy flowers? Lol, What should I get you?

I know you’ve missed me,
And right now you’re mad that I’ve showed up.
You don’t wanna pick up the phone and you’re probably listening,
You’ve missed this call so the phone lady said to leave it at voicemail
Care to dial my number, I’ll be waiting.

I listened to the words she spewed
with a cool logical expression

and that had to be the first thing someone said to me
that left me completely speechless and numb
as all the words struck me like lightening,

I’d been called rude, stubborn, selfish before
even a faker, a troublemaker,
Never a whore,
Never a desperate bitch,

It made me angry
My eyes blazing with a fire so foreign
on my normally calm friendly face,

I hadn’t realized that this was going to be the final event
that would cause me to snap,

That the fine thread I’d been so carefully treading on would break,

That my actions would be my damnation,
That they’d lead me to fire
and I would wish for death later that day.

She made me do this!!!.

~Misfit ~

Heartbreak is bad. But this was worse
This was death. A silence that gave back no answer
My heart cracked as blood poured out
It hurt. So bad

It hurt to be broken inside
To stand and let the pieces fall until you’re alone with no one to watch you on your knees
Putting them back together through blurry tears

They kept telling me that you’re in a better place
But I didn’t care about that
Your place belonged here with me and it’s unfair you left

Death was an insatiable monster.
It did as it pleased
Always kept coming back to more
It had taken everything away from me
Never settled until it left me empty… and alone
I had nothing more left to give

I had never wrapped my head around teeth
It delivered the pound of pain it has promised
Leaving the victims in its wake.

It delivered a blow that one would never fully recover from
Wounds that had no recovery timeframe.
I wouldn’t get past this
No one could.

~Misfit ~

I watched as things spiralled out of control,
far away and out of reach,
out of touch and out of grasp

Not knowing whether with them
I was going to spiral down into hell
where I’d been in too deep to even know
I was taking others along with me into the fire.

If my actions went to hell and took me with them,
I was going to grab anyone I could along the way

They’d often say that I was selfish
and so I saw
because I wouldn’t go down alone

If hell was home
then I’d sure bring some visitors along

~Misfit ~

In this world,
there was no one I hated most
than I did with you.

Everytime I saw or heard of you,
anger, like an awakened volcano
exploded through my body
and an angry swarm of butterflies stormed my stomach

Though I tried to see the good in people,
I could still tell what their intentions were
and yours had never been pure at all
but those of malice and ill-intent.

you wanted me all to yourself
so you could feel the superiority,
you so desperately craved
by making me the game that you played

The truth is I could never accept you
in  world full of choices,
even if you were the last person on earth,
I’d still choose extinction over you

~Misfit ~

while I wasn’t broken; I was defeated,
what I felt was pure defeat,
everything I knew or did was a lie,
that even the truth defeated me.

I couldn’t hold onto the truth the way
whole people could
It slipped through my fingers,
out of grasp, and kept its distance

and even when I tried to fall in step with the truth
I was always a step behind

It is said that things get complicated
when one can’t tell the difference between lies & truth,
I couldn’t.

the lies became the truth
and there was no difference to tell.

~Misfit ~

My mantra was fight, fight and fight some more
Fight back every demon luring you into his ways
but even then, I didn’t know what I was fighting for,
or towards

and in fighting, sometimes I’d win
and I’d have a hard time believing it

When you’ve been fighting for too long
and you finally win, you can’t believe it
and you don’t know what to do with it

Other times, I’d feel feel that am fighting
to push people away from me
and I’d only stop convinced
that they won’t leave on their own

I’d keep fighting them until
they’d promised to always fight with me.

~Misfit ~

You’re just like everyone else
I can see it in your eyes
how much in love with me you are
but also how hard you’re trying to fight it

I’m capable of breaking down your walls,
these you have built all those years,
I’m destructive. But you don’t have to be afraid of me

Stay. Stay and prove to me that somehow,
loving a person the way I love you isn’t going to end me

Stay. Be that’s the only way I can forgive myself
For ever hurting you,
For causing your pain

For my sake, stay. Because seeing you here with me,
will give me a reason to live,
and something to fight for

Stay. Because that will be the only way
To prove that life has given me another chance,
A chance to right all wrongs
A chance at redemption.

~Misfit~

I spent a long time cultivating my hard ass persona

but that doesn’t mean I am cold and hard

as the person I pretend to be.

People have a version of me wrapped inside their minds

and they expect and want me to behave like it

But it’s okay, because I know that’s how people work

You build an image,

they will want you to behave like the image you’ve built.

and sometimes I’d do that

I looked to it to bolster self image

I used it to deal with my lack of self esteem

I’d do that, sometimes

I did that because I wanted to fill my role,

because I would be nothing if I wasn’t that.

~Misfit~

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“I don’t want admiration now, because I don’t want insults on future. I bear with my loneliness now to avoid greater loneliness in the years ahead.”